Is It Over??

I always think it is funny that when New Years Eve (or the month of December) hits, how many people you hear say "Wow I cannot believe that the year is practically over!"  Ya, I have said this myself, but I also find myself saying "About time!"  Ha ha.  This year has gone by really fast, but it has definitely had it's slow moments!  I am both excited and sad to see the year go.  This has been a big growing year for myself (not that the past few years haven't been).  I can definitely sense the changes in me, I can see the changes, and I can feel the changes.  I have also found that my taste in clothing, food, music, books, and other things have slightly changed . . . granted a lot could do with the fact that I am getting older . . . but not that old ha ha!

So as January 1st draws close I find myself thinking of 'New Years Resolutions."  Then I get thinking do I really want to set resolutions when I know that there is a 50/50 chance I will actually do it . . . ok so maybe it is more 20/80 (80% that I may not lol).  Well not really it depends on what I set.  Let's be honest the top of everyone's list is to become more fit.  That's all nice and well, we all go out and purchase a gym membership.  Use it for a month or so, and then we let it hang from our key chain, and let it collect dust for the next 1-2 years.  Don't be embarrassed, I totally did it!  I think what people do (and I do it too), is that we pick generic goals for the New Year.  When I say generic I mean things like:  loose weight, become fit, stop eating sugar, stop drinking pop, become more organized, and doing something in a certain amount of time . . . Now, I'm not knocking the goals at all!  I'm just wondering how many of us choose these generic goals, and then feel that we are good.  How many of us really sit and think about what we want to see for ourselves in the new year?

I have some generic goals sure!  Who doesn't?  But as I have been thinking lately there are other goals that I am setting that I would have never thought of before.  One of those goals is to gain more self love for myself, and also to open myself up a little more and let people in.  I have been fairly closed off.  I find I haven't been much of a sharing person when it comes to opening up and really expressing myself with people, or just letting them in to gain friendships.  I have a few other goals, but they are more personal that I wont be going into on here.  I will say that my biggest 'generic' goal this year is to do my best and try to get all A's in my classes this semester . . . I can hear you laughing on the other side of the screen.  It's college I know that.  It's going to be hard.  I know that.  It is going to require a lot of hard work.  I know that.  I am prepared for the challenge. 

On another note I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!  I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my family.  I always do, but there is just something about the spirit of Christmas that just brings an extra something to the time spent together.  Something that my family (my mom's side) has been doing the last few years is we have been celebrating Christmas on the 29th-ish.  This way my mom's brother and his family is able to come up, down, sideways, diagonal (I'm not good with directions so it is one of those) to Salt Lake.  We also celebrate my little cousin's birthday at the same time.  His name is Matthew, and today he turned 5.  He is the cutest, smartest, most energetic boy I have ever met.  I love him to death.  Seriously I cannot get enough of the kid (even when he is smacking me with balloons).  I honestly hope that when the day comes that I have kids they are like Matthew.  He is such a joy and amazing little boy.

Matthew's innocence is so refreshing, and so much fun to see.  He looks at the world as this amazing playground, and he hits the ground running.  His imagination is incredible!  It makes me want to be little again, when we all thought that the world was full of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Care Bears, Candy, Naps, and magic.  I truly enjoy having Matthew around.  It reminds me to greet everything with excitement and a smile.  He is always excited, and when he tells you a story he bounces because the joy that he cannot contain.  I love him!  He is so adorable and the sweetest boy.

I hope you all have a wonderful New Years Eve/ New Years day.  Stay safe!  Drive Safe!  And most of all tell your loved ones how much you love them!

xoxo McCall

Tis The Season!

I cannot believe that Christmas is just a few days away!  I feel like just yesterday we were celebrating the fourth of July!  Funny.  This Christmas I have been searching for a calm and stress free Christmas . . . I am some what having one haha.  I was called to be the pianist for the ward choir this year so the past few months have been full of me practicing for the choir's numbers for the 25th.  Unfortunately, I am a perfectionist, and I expect the best from me (which can be a curse).  I have been practicing hours each day trying to perfect these pieces.  There are 5 songs that I am playing.  Two are pretty easy, but I can't really slack on playing them because sometimes the easiest pieces are the ones you can really mess up.  There are two that test my patience, and the timing on one is annoying.  Ha ha.

Most recently I have noticed that my wrists are killing me.  The past couple days it has been painful to put any weight on my hands, and bending my wrists kills.  I tried to play the piano the other day, but reaching for some of the chords was causing pain to run up my arm to my elbow.  There are a couple things that could be contributing to my aching wrists . . . First, the past few months of continual hourly practices of the piano (I haven't really practiced like this since I took piano lessons nearly 6 years ago).  Secondly it could also be that at my work, my typing load has gone up and so I am typing a lot.  However, I don't know exactly how typing on the keyboard could attribute to the pain in the wrists.  Who knows . . .  All I know is that my wrists are killing me lol.

Oh, so my Mom and I went out and bought my books for school.  Holy crap the prices of the books nearly killed me!  Even used I was apalled.  The lady at the cashier nearly had to rip my card out of my hand to run it ha ha.  Colleges really milk students for all their money with the price of tuition and then with the price of books, then you add in the parking permit . . . Good heck!  I should just give them my left arm as payment haha.  Gotta love the price of a good education :)  It'll all pay off in the end.  That I know.

I hope you all have an amazing Christmas Season, and enjoy the season with your family! 

Merry Christmas!

I know this song isn't like "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" but the arrangement of this song,

and how it is sung is beautiful.  Enjoy!

xoxo McCall



Is it really December?!

So I'm all registered for school, and most recently I have been notified of the book I will need for my classes. Good-freakin-grief! I have forgotten how expensive these books can be! Seriously. My biology book is going to be $130.00, and that is used!! That doesn't include my lab book for biology! Ha ha. Holy crap. Oh well. It is all going to be well worth it! High education here I come! Ha ha.



Lately I really have been thinking about my happiness. I am the prime definition of a people pleaser. I am that person who is more than willing to drop what I am doing to help you in some way. I have always tried to figure out what people want so I can give it to them so I am not creating waves in a calm pond. The last thing I wanted/want is a confrontation. Let's be honest, who likes confrontation? No-one. I'd hope lol. I have found that in the process of trying to please everyone I have been losing myself. This past year I have made a strong effort to really focus on myself. If I have "burned" you, I'm sorry, but I need to focus on me.



I have begun to find myself, and really figure out who I am, and where and what I want to become. There are times that I have found myself wanting to please someone. It sucks, cause I feel like I am beginning to loose myself. Luckily I have found a way to not only ensure that people around me are happy, but that I am also happy. How? I am just myself. People who don't like I am more than happy to show them the door. And for some of them I have.


In the process of thinking about people pleasing, making people happy, yada yada, I have begun to think of persona's that we all create for people. We all do it, I know I do. Learn about someone, or miss someone and so we create a persona of who we think they are or what we want them to be.  We build up this image of what we think this person is or should be.  Then when the time ever comes when we reconnect or finally meet this person they do not fit the persona we have created.  I know I have done this, and I know that others do it too.

Ever noticed that once we discover that this person does not fit the image we created how you go through the emotions of disappointment, and then irritation. We begin to project our feelings onto this person. I know I have unfortunately. I have even watched people try to begin to change the person to make them fit what their minds have created.  Can you imagine the damage we are causing?  Not only the friendship or relationship we could have with this person, but also the damage that we are causing this person?  What kind of message are we sending this person?

I have made a strong effort in my life to make sure that I not do this. I am doing my best to get to know the person face to face, rather than creating a persona of what I think they will be like. I have found that my relations with people are a lot better. I find that making friends is a lot easier as well. Why has this been on my mind lately?  Because I am caught in a situation where someone is trying to fit me into a persona they have created.  I can hope that they will soon realize that I am not that person that they want me to be.  That I cannot and will not be the person they want me to be.  I hope that they will soon realize this so we can have a friendship.

ANYWHO . . . I cannot believe that it is December! This year has been fast and amazing! The freezing weather is back, not sure how I feel about it yet. Is it just me but didn't we have several inches of snow by now? Not saying that I am wanting it, but I feel like we are lacking snow. By all means I would be perfectly fine if it snowed two days before Christmas Eve, on Christmas Eve, and then on Christmas Day. After that no mas. Ha ha!

I am attaching two songs that I absolutely love and have deep personal meanings for me.  I hope you enjoy them and find them as beautiful as I do.

Mumford and Sons - Below My Feet

Adele - Turning Tables

xoxo - McCall

Gobble Gobble!

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!  I have a lot to be thankful for this year.  I feel truly blessed.  The one thing I am most thankful for is my family (obviously).  My family is amazing, and I am so grateful to have them.  Over the past year I have really come to find the true meaning of family for me.  I have found that my family is not defined by who's blood runs through my veins.  My family are the ones who know me inside and out, who have been with me through thick and thin.  The ones who know how I "tic."  My family are the ones who have seen me at my worse, helped, and at the end of the day still wrap their arms around me and tell me they love me. 

To my Mom (Nancy):  Thank you for your unconditional love.  I am so grateful that I have been blessed to have you in my life.  Thank you for teaching me each and everyday, and especially for being my best friend.  Words cannot express how much I love you, and what you mean to me.  I am eternally grateful for you.

To my Dad (Mike):  I love you sooo much!  Thank you for keeping me laughing everyday.  Thank you for all the little things that I know that I don't acknowledge, and thank you for the big things that I fail to acknowledge.  Thank you for making me feel like a princess when there are days I feel like an ogre :)  I love you!

To my Sister (Macy):  I love ya!  La la la la!  Ha ha :)  Thank you for being such a light for me.  I love the time we spend with each other.  They are very precious to me.  Thank you for your continual example that you are.  You amaze me with your strength, and your determination.  I love you so much, and I am so happy to be able to call you my sister.

To my Brother (Josh):  I can't believe it has been a year!  I have really enjoyed getting to know you over this past year, and I'm excited to continue to get to know you.  Thanks for keeping me laughing :)  I love ya.

To my Brother (Jeremy):  I have truly enjoyed getting to know you and your wife, Lindsey, and your beautiful children.  I am so excited to have you guys in my life.  Thank you for being such a wonderful and amazing example to me.  I love you, and I love your family. 

To my Brother (Kyle):  Oh Kyle what can I say. . . ha ha.  I love ya!  Thanks for being funny and being you.  I truly enjoy getting to know you.  Love ya!

To my Brother (Robert):  Ha ha oh Robert how I love you and hold you dear to me!  I enjoy all the time we have spent hanging out!  We have had some great times!  I love you, and I am so proud of you.  I still think about our trip down to Moab and I cannot help but laugh out loud.  Keep up your shimmying!!  I love you!

To my Sister (MiCalle):  I love ya!  You are such a cute girl, and you have an amazing little boy.  You are strong, and I am so happy that I am getting the chance to finally get to know you :)  Love ya!

To Julie:  Thank you so much for your sacrifice.  Thank you for the life that you have given me, and the opportunitites that you have blessed me with since April 30, 1987.  I love you, and I am grateful that we have been able to reconnect, and create a great friendship.

To all my friends who have touched my life I am truly grateful for you.  I love you all, and am so happy to have you in my life. 

Enjoy your Thanksgiving, and the time you spend with your family!  Treat yourself to lots of turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, yams, pie, and more!! I love you all.

xoxo McCall

Shopping? Really? Yes!

So I have been really making an effort and taking time in myself, and taking quiet moments for myself.  I find a major difference in how I treat myself, and how I look at myself, and how I act.  I'm taking more pride in myself.  I have also found that people around me treat me differently, I get a different response out of people than usual.  Not that I was being treated badly before.  Unfortunately I have the need to shop.  I am actually loving it, but my wallet doesn't. 

Let's be honest I am not out racking up my card.  I look to see what is out there, and get ideas of what I would like to save for.  I truly cannot believe that I am enjoying shopping honestly.  I have never been a fan of it.  The whole thought of walking around and looking at shirts, pants, and shoes never thrilled me. . . until now.  I love it!  I have fallen in love with H and M that just opened up at Fashion Place Mall.  Target has some cute things out too.  Pretty much to sum up the style of clothing that I am really into is to take a look at Adele.  I love her style.  I've always like clothing like that, and now I feel like I am worth it to wear it :)

Ok so Grimm's Fairy Tales was a fun book.  It was interesting reading all the different versions of stories that they have.  I swear there were multiple Cinderella type stories.  There is one that is called "Little One-Eye, Little Two-Eyes, Little Three-Eyes."  It is about three sisters (I assume by the title that you gather that each daughter has a different amount of eyes on her head), and how two of them (One-Eye, and Three-Eyes) are extremely rude to their other sister (Two Eyes).  They are mean to her because she is not unique like them.  So. . . Little Two-Eyes goes out and is met by a magical woman who helps her out.  Long story short, Little Two-Eyes is swept away by a prince and the two sisters and mother are left to be punished. . . Is it just me or does that sound like Cinderella?  Needless to say it was a fun read.  I'll be handing onto this book for a while :)

So now that I am finished with that book I am now onto Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy.

So this book is supposed to be "on of the greatest love stories in world literature."  The story is set in imperial Russia, and Anna is rich woman with "complexities."  Pretty much it is a love story about an affair.  Ha ha.  I am about 20 pages into the story and so far I have not been introduced to Anna's character.  Leo Tolstoy is setting up the scene for her to come in.  Right now he is focused on a Stepan Arknadyevitch Oblonsky, and his infidelity.  Apparently his sister is Anna Karenina (from what I gather), and she is going to be coming into the story soon.  I believe. 

One thing that I have noticed is that writers from the 1800's and very early 1900's are very descriptive. . . VERY descriptive!  I mean in the sense that they describe the surroundings in excruciating detail.  However, it does help bring the "scene" to my mind.  The wording is very proper and the words are long, and I have not come across anything inappropriate.  It has been a nice read so far.  

Self Evaluation . . .

Ok, first thing is first.  I have given up on Crime and Punishment.  I made it past the third chapter (my typical quiting spot for this book), however, I found myself glaring at the book when I went to pick up.  Not good.  So, in light of my need to read, and my lack of passion for Crime and Punishment, I am going to read Grimm's Fairy Tales.  You never would have thought that they were a classic . . . but they are.  I'm rather excited by it ha ha. 

Once upon a time I use to think that I was really good at hiding my stress.  I must sadly report that I am not.  Ha ha.  I'm that person who internalizes my feelings, I don't like to create waves.  If I feel a disturbance in the force I keep quiet or avoid it so I don't have to deal with conflict.  As you can imagine this has only resulted in a ball of stress that grows.  It has been pointed out to me that I hold all my stress in my eyes.  For the past few months I was under the illusion of my mind that I was perfectly fine.  I ignored my restlessness with my life, and the fact that I could be busy but still was unhappy.

And how did I finally recognize it?  It took my mom to ask me what was going on.  Of course my recoil was "nothing."  Then as I sat there and watched her work on the computer did the massive ball of stress that was pushing to come out spill out into the room.  Yes, my mom is the one who pointed it out, because I wanted to be ok.  I could deal with it.  I can be Wonder Woman.  Right?  Ya I don't think so either.  The next question is what has brought on all the stress?  Well it is a series of things that has brought on my stress.  Some of the stress stemmed from something small, and some of the stress has stemmed from things that for years I have done everything possible to suppress and not confront. 

Once I was back in my room after talking to my mom for an hour or so did I finally come to the conclusion that I cannot continue to do this to myself.  So for the past month to month and half I have really taken a hard look at myself . . . self evaluated.  The love and self value that I award myself is very slim.  I find that I focus on others so that I don't have to turn and focus on myself.  The thought of focusing on myself actually scares me.  There are things that I don't want to face.  But I realize now that I need to face them, and move on to a happier me.

A stresser of mine has always been my weight.  I could blame it on growing up in the world of dance.  A world where a size 0 - 2 is the prized size, and that anything bigger might as well be a whale.   But I am not going to place blame there, besides I was really talented, I know that, and that I pride myself in.  However, I over looked my talent and let the stress of my weight get to me.  It got to a point where I was sabotaging myself and any weight that I lost I would put back on.  Over the last month I have come to accept that I will not be a size two.  I'm not built that way.  When I relax I'm able to keep myself at a stable weight, and even loose.  I'm not looking to be that skinny dancer I wanted to be when I was in high school, I'm looking to be a healthy 24 year old.

With that stresser gone, I have now been facing a demon that I have been avoiding for as long as I can remember.  For a lot of people it may come as a surprise, but it is my adoption.  In no way do I think adoption is horrible, and that it shouldn't be done.  In fact I wouldn't have a sister if my parents didn't adopt, or my good friend wouldn't have a beautiful daughter without adoption.  For me the thought of being adopted has been hard on me.  For the longest time I tried hard to figure out "Why would I be placed for adoption?"  "Was I not good enough?"  "Did they not want a girl?"  "Was there something wrong with me that made them not want me?"  I pretty much have faced an identity crisis, mixed with the struggles of trying to figure out where I belonged. 

I want to stress that I have grown up in a very loving, happy, enriching life.  My parents have given me more love than imagined, and given me the world at my feet, but I couldn't get past that someone gave me up.  With that I also had a hard time facing myself in the mirror.  It has always bothered me that when I looked in the mirror that I don't really resemble my parents.  I don't have their blue eyes, my Dad's nose, or my Mom's dirty blond hair.  If I could see that I didn't look like my parents, did they?  Did my grandparents?  My Aunts and Uncles?  My cousins?  So where did I belong?

Not only was I struggling trying to figure out where I belonged, but on top of it all I was also trying figure out who I was, and pretend that everything was candy and rainbows.  In the process of trying to figure everything out I was damaging the love that I had for myself, and the how much I valued myself.  I began to see (and some times refer to) myself as "used goods," "garage sale baby," and "second hand."  I know alarming.  Even now I can't believe how self damaging I have been.  I cannot imagine the pain and stress I put my parents through, because I know how much they love me.  But I can honestly say that in my stress I didn't see the love they were giving me.

Again I am stressing I have grown up (and live) in a very happy, loving, enriching, and entertaining environment and family.  My senior year of high school I had more or less a mental break down.  I had let my stress mount to an alarming size, and my body and mind could no longer handle it.  Gratefully I had amazing parents who helped me through everything, and even helped me begin searching for my biological family.

Last year I made contact with my biological family, and it has helped settle several questions that I have had.  It has even helped me draw closer to my parents.  I eternally grateful for Julie's sacrifice to place me for adoption, and giving me the opportunity to have the world.  I am so grateful for my parents and their love.  And yes,  I definitely know where I belong in my family. 

So, where does that leave me now?  More at peace.  As I now discover who I am, and what I see myself doing, I am finding that I have higher expectations for myself.  It isn't stressful expectations, but I think a love that I am developing for myself and my self value rising.  I now find myself wanting to really look nice.  Of course when I come from work I love to dawn on sweats, but I find that when I am out and about I am want to look good.  I find myself drawn to more "sophisticated" clothes, than what I have been dressing in.  I also feel I need to include more color into my wardrobe.  I'm not talking flashy colors, because let's be honest that is not who I am.  But more muted colors.  Something other than just black.  Though I do love black.  It's sliming ha ha!

So here's to a new me.  To a new improved and happier me!  Cheers!

XOXO - McCall

"This is Halloween . . ."

This year I found myself really wondering where Halloween came from.  People have their different ideas as to where it came from, who brought it over, yada yada.  So I did some good old research on Wikipedia.  Let me tell you it is rather interesting.  It states that it is believed that Halloween is heavily influenced by the Christians "All Saints Day," and "All Souls Day" (also known as Hallowmas, All Hallows, and Hallowtide).  This fell on November 1st and 2nd; it was a time for honoring the Saints and praying for the recently departed who had yet to reach heaven.  At the end of the 12th century these days become holy days across Europe that involved the ringing of bells for souls in purgatory, and something called "souling."  Souling is explained as "the custom baking of bread or soul cakes for 'all crysten (christened) souls.'" 

Halloween wasn't really introduced or recognized as a holiday until the 19th century, when the Irish and Scottish immigrated over.   It says even then it was confined to the immigrants, and didn't mainstream until the mid 19th century.  By the 20th century the celebration of Halloween had extended coast to coast.

Ever wonder who thought of going from house to house trick-or-treating for candy?  Well, it actually dates back to the Middle Ages.  It stems from when the poor would go door to door Hallowmas (Nov. 1) and receiving food in return for prayers for the dead on All Souls Day (Nov. 2).  Trick-or-Treating is also known as "Guising."  Children going Guising in Scotland and Ireland would dress up in disguises and go door to door to receive food or coins.  There is a record dated back in 1895 in Scotland on Halloween of "masquearders" in disguies carrying carved turnips to receive cake, fruit, and money.  The first repor of Guising in North American was recorded in Kingston, Ontario in 1911.

Again I found all my info on Wikipedia!  Don't know if you found that as interesting as I did. BUT there you go! Ha ha. 

As for my progress on Crime in Punishment . . . let's just say that this book is a bit harder to read than Dracula.  I don't know what it is.  Fydor is a much "deeper" writer.  He really digs deep into the complexity of the mind.  I'm not really used to that and perhaps that is what is throwing me off.  Hopefully soon I will get into it, because it seems like it has a lot of potential of becoming a great story!  Cross your fingers.  I hope to get further than the 3rd chapter.  Its usually here where I stop reading.  Haha! 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Good 'Ol Life

So Muggles is doing better.  She is being more herself, although early this morning she peed on Macy's bed.  She has gained weight.  Mom and I would have liked to see her gain more than she did, but we'd rather see a tiny gain than a loss.  She is eating on her own, and playing.  The "paw" or "pad" (which ever you would like to call it) is still paralyzed.  The vet wanted to see her on Saturday so mom and I took her.  The vet talked to a neurologist for cats who said it could be inflammation of Muggle's nerves, or a very teeny tiny blood clot that is blocking only the nerves to her paw.  However, they don't think this could be the case because per foot (even down to her toes) is warm.  If it were a clot her foot would be cold.  Yay no clot! We are clinging to the hope that it is inflammation and the use of her foot will come back.  The vet did say that they could give her an oral prescription of steroids, but we'd rather not take that route as every medication that they have given my cat so far has ended up causing issues.

Life is going good.  I have my semesters pretty much planned out.  My only hope is that the classes I want to take each semester are being offered ha ha!  If not I it wont be a big deal I can just shift things around.  No biggie.  This past weekend my mom painted my bedroom.  I picked out the colors, and if I do say so myself it looks awesome!  I'm excited!  I am going to be going to Hobby Lobby and other stores looking for fun things to decorate my room with.  Time to make my bedroom my bedroom.  It is finally starting to feel like my space. 

There is something that I want to rant about.  I cannot tell you how many times I have re-written this paragraph.  I don't want to sound like a nagger, or a complainer.  All I will say is this:

Actions Speak Louder Than Words!

That's all :) 

Okay, I finished Dracula by Bram Stoker.  The book is written in first person.  I'm not a big fan of books written in this manner, but it was well done.  The book is not written in your typical way like let's say the Twilight sagas are.  Each chapter is comprised of journal entries, letters, and telegrams from the five main characters.  The journal entries, letter, and telegrams tell the story.  It was weird at first, but I grew to like it.  Of course there are those few chapters were you find yourself snoring and wanting to move on to better, and more exciting parts.  But what book doesn't have them? 

It was a fun read. It was done well.  There were parts that I absolutely loved and parts that I just didn't care for.  I don't want to spoil the ending in case you haven't read the book or seen the movie . . . But Dracula is a VAMPIRE!! Ha ha kidding.  If you didn't already know that then there is something wrong.  Anyway, the ending was blah.  It could have been a lot better . . . That is all I am going to say.

Now that I have finished Dracula, my next classic novel read is going to be Crime and Punishment by Fydor Dostoevsky.  Wish me luck.  I have tried 3 times to read this in the past ha ha. 

Just Another Day

I love to read.  If there is something that I love to do as much as I love writing it is reading.  I go through books like a fat boy goes through a box of donuts.  I cannot get enough of books.  I'm more of the fantasy, mystery kind of books.  Every so often I will read a romance book but they are not my fancy.  I have read the occasional biography, but I find them uninteresting.  As of lately I have gone through every book in my book case, books given to me by my parents, and every book that my biological mother has given me (which amounts to a lot!).

I have been so stuck with trying to figure out what to read next that I have now gone through the Harry Potter series for the umpteenth time.  I have always wanted to read the classics, but have found some kind of excuse not to.  Now I have no excuse, and I am going to challenge myself to get through as many of the classics as I can in a year starting today.  I will then write my thoughts on the books here (cause I can :) ).

In the spirit of Halloween the first classic I have decided to read is Dracula by Bram Stoker.  So far I kind of like it.  I'm about two chapters in and I find it rather interesting.  They style of writing is rather interesting as well.  I have to remember that it was written back in 1897, and the writing styles are far different from they are now . . . well kind of.

For those of you who are interested in the kitty issues our family has been enduring here is your update:

Muggles is doing better.  She is more prone to eat on her own, thank heavens!  Her right hind leg is still paralyzed :( It is showing improvement, though the improvement is VERY small.  You can tell it bugs her that her leg is not working, and that makes me really sad.  However, she is becoming more playful!  Macy was able to get her to play with some yarn a few days back, and since then she has been playing a bit more each day. YAY!

For some reason she has taken a disliking to her litter box.  She has peed in my closet, my bed (while I was sleeping in it), and the laundry room.  She has also pooped in my closet, on Macy's bedroom floor, and on a pink blanket beside her litter box.  As of right now those are the only places we know of that she has done her business.  We have done everything we can possibly think of to get her to use a litter box.  We have even gone as far as placing the litter on a garbage bag on the floor so she didn't have to try and hoist herself into the box.  She now has two litter boxes (her new one has a ramp that goes into the box so she doesn't have to really jump); one upstairs and one downstairs, and she has yet to use either one . . . Baby steps I have to keep telling myself.  I'd rather have her peeing on the carpet than in the hospital in kidney failure.

Pumpkins, Crows, and Witches . . . OH MY!

If you haven't ever gone to Gardner Village during the month of October I suggest you go!  It is a fun little place full of fun little shops, boutiques, and a fabulous restaurant called Archibald's.  During October they host “Witchfest,” where the place is decorated for Halloween and have strategically placed witches through out the village.  They have fun little activities like “Ride to a Witch” (its like a hay ride), Breakfast with a Witch, and Witchpalooza which is a music and dinner show.  I haven't done any of this so I cannot give you my opinion on any of the activities, but I can say if you are looking for a fun time for a mother daughter thing the shopping is fun.  I also highly suggest you go to the restaurant Archibald's.  There is only one catch with this restaurant . . . you need to get there rather early (especially on the weekend) and place your name on the list.  It is wildly popular so they get busy.  My Mom, Macy, and I went on a Saturday and were placed on a 2 hour waiting time.  HOWEVER, do not be discouraged from the thought of a long wait, because the food is good, and they currently have a Pumpkin Cake that is very delicious!  So if you are looking for a fun time with your daughters over the weekend this October go!  You can also check them out here www.gardnervillage.com

Cloud 9

I found out today that my Spring Semester is completely taken care of :)  No financial strains for me!  I can't explain the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders.  Every time I have had to pay a bill I would wince.  Why?  Cause I watched a bit of my tuition for Spring exiting my account.  Not anymore baby!!  Now, don't go thinking that I'm going to go all shopping crazy cause I'm not.  I have 13 years of school that I have to think of, and save for.  Also, my mom just told me that she knows someone who's wife is apart of a MLS program out by the U of U, and gave my mom some pointers to give me for when I get up to the U.  SCORE!!!

LAYIN' ON CLOUD NINE!

Muggles

If you know my family you know that we are the biggest pet loving family around.  We have had frogs, fish, cats, and dogs.  We haven't tried the whole gerbil thing, and I can honestly say that from the things I hear about them I am glad we haven't ever gotten one.  When I was a baby I grew up with a fluffy Himalayan named Bailey.  He was my buddy and the most easy going cat ever.  He loved to be picked up and cuddled, and when I would wake up in the middle of the night I would wake up with him sitting on my face forcing me off my pillow so he could sleep on it.  I loved him so much, and when he passed away he took a chunk of me with him.

So of course knowing me there was no way that I could go without a cat.  I love them.  Shortly after my mom's dad passed away, I was baby sitting a girl my mom was teaching in dance.  I took her out and about, and we decided to go into a pet store.  So we are walking around and stop at this large cage that had a bunch of kittens roaming around.  I fell in love with about every cat in there.  There was this beautiful black kitty, and a white and brown kitty that I was looking at.  The girl I was with kept telling me to get one, and I couldn't decide if I should.  So while I'm sitting at this cage the white and brown kitty comes up to the cage and begins nuzzling my fingers.  That was it, I had to have her.  I bought her, named her Muggles (yes for those of you out there I am a Harry Potter fan, and named my cat after a Harry Potter term), and took her home to surprise my family.  Was Muggles' welcoming warm from the family . . . nope. Ha ha.  Muggles had to prove to my family that she could stay a part of the family.  Naturally she did, she is so tiny, and the cutest thing ever.

Fast forward 8 years to about a week ago.  My parents noticed that Muggles was limping and favoring her right front paw, so my mom took her to the vet.  X-rays were done and they didn't see anything broken or anything out of the norm.  Must have been a pulled muscle.  Because Muggles is an inside cat and never goes outside we really haven't had to take her to the vet; so, while she was there the vet gave her her vaccinations for rabies and some kind of virus.  Muggles comes home, she seems to be ok.  Well, on Monday after I had left for work my mom notices that Muggles isn't acting like herself; she hadn't eaten, used her litter box, or drank anything.  She was looking thin, which is scary cause Muggles is only 7 pounds.  My mom takes her into the vet again and they do blood work.  Muggles' electrolyte count was high and she was dehydrated; they tell my mom that they want to keep her over night so they can put her on an IV to flush whatever was in her system.

On Tuesday they said she was doing a bit better.  Thankfully my mom, Macy, and I were able to go visit her and see for ourselves how she was doing.  They brought her in to the room and she was perkier than she was.  She still wasn't eating (but who would in a noisy and scary place like the vets?).  When we put her down on the ground she would walk as much as she could without being bothered by the IV in her paw.  Needless to say the three of us were extremely hopeful that Muggles would be able to come home Wednesday, but it all depended on her blood work.  Mom got a call Wednesday morning saying that she could come and pick up Muggles at 2pm.  We were all excited!!  When she gets there the technician told my mom to go check out and she would bring Muggles out to her.

When my mom got home with Muggles she let her out of the cage and guess what . . . Muggle's right hind leg wasn't working.  Every time Muggles tried to walk her right leg would drag, and her toes would curl causing her to walk on her knuckles.  Lifting her up you can see the muscles in her right hing leg are not engaging.  So my mom called the vet to find out what happened.  Their excuse is that she was in a cage laying down for 2 days straight . . . Well hate to break it to you vet but that is a load of BS and you know it cause when we saw her at 5pm on Tuesday her leg was just fine.  Soooo I call and I don't let them give me that BS excuse.  The technician then tells me "I didn't giver he a shot.  No wait. I did," and then said, "I have no idea why her leg would be doing that."  So we hang up.  She calls back and says "Now, it's her left leg right?" my response "No its her right" like I already told her.  Her response, "Well shoot cause I gave her the shot in her left leg."  I then am told that I can bring Muggles back in and have her looked at free of charge.  Like hell I am!  I am not going to take my cat back in there and have them mess something else up!  OR wig Muggles out even more.

So, here we are Thursday night and her right hind leg still isn't working.  I am more than angry.  This is my baby, and something happened to her at the vet from when I last saw her at 5pm to when my mom picked her up at 2pm the next day.  Someone over there better start explaining!

New Slate

Where do I start??? I have found over the last little while that I am a rather drawn in person. I don't really share too much with people like when I was little. Maybe it's because I'm getting older. Who knows. But one thing that I am sure of is when I write, I'm an open book. The one place where you are going to get most of your answers about me is in my writing. I like to write . . . for those of you who didn't know that, now you do ha ha. When I'm not reading, or working, or working on a complicated song that my dad wants me to play for the ward choir, I am writing. I am either writing in my journal, my computer, or now here. I feel there is a sense of freedom when writing, I love to just escape from the world around me and enter my thoughts. In short, I love to write.

The past 4 years have been such an educational, emotional, and spiritual journey for me. There are so many things that I have learned (and still am learning) about myself. Looking back I always wonder "What would have happened had I . . ." Then it is usually followed by "Well I wouldn't be . . ." One thing that I must always tell myself is that there are things that I cannot go back and fix. But I guess the next question is would I really want to fix anything? No. Not really. Though I was overwhelmed and stressed out of my mind at times, I learned things about myself, and it brought my mom and I closer together. If I fixed things, would I have the strong relationship I have with my mother that I have now? Probably not, and I don't want to give away the relationship that she and I have. It is the strongest it has ever been. I love my mom.

So . . . What am I up to these days. Well, after an internal struggle to figure out what I want in my life, and where I am heading I have decided to go back to school. Yes, I graduated from Paul Mitchell the School for cosmetology, and yes I enjoy doing hair. I'm good at it; I know that. I see it in my clients' faces when they leave the salon that I am good at what I do. I don't mean to boast, but I know I'm good. However, I'm restless, and a passion of mine has always been the science/medicine/pathology subjects. So I am going back to school, and pursuing a deep passion of mine. I will be finishing my generals at SLCC. I have made a commitment to myself that I am going to strive to get no lower than a B in all my classes (secretly I want all A's). I also have made a commitment to really push myself. It is why I have decided to do Spring 2012, Summer 2012, and Fall 2012 semesters. I will graduate with my Associates at the end of the Fall semester and transfer to the U of U (GO UTES!). I will then go into the MLS Program (Medical Laboratory Science), and then on to Medical School. I'm in for the long haul, that I know . . . But this is my passion, and I cannot tell you how excited I am for this journey and for this career. Wish me luck cause I am looking at 13 years of school - and that is including my 4 years of fellowship required.

My sister, my dad and my mom laughed at me (lovingly), because I told them I am extremely excited to begin school. Their response is "Wait till school starts." Now, don't go thinking I haven't thought of that already, but I have. I understand that come three weeks into the semester I wont be grabbing my hair and pulling. You may even pass me in church and find a vacant look on face, maybe even red eyes from studying all night . . . But don't worry I will be rejoicing deep down! For those of you who are wondering, yes I will still be working. I will be working for the attorney that I have been working for the past year for. I will still do hair, but it will be done when I can fit people in, which means no hair on test weeks. The last thing I want to do is give a haircut while I'm thinking about organic chemistry and have my client leaving with purple hair. Not good. Ha ha.

I feel like there is a lot to cover, but I don't know where to start. I'm literally going down my mental check list . . . but this is a blog, and it's mine, so you get to enjoy my randomness as I jump from topic to topic.

I started going back to church. I started going back in December (Wow it has almost been a year). There were a lot of things that led me back to the Church . . . One of the factors was my brother Jeremy and his wife Lindsey. They don't know how much they inspire me, and what an example they are to me. I couldn't be more grateful for them . . . I also think that having been raised in the church helped me on my journey back. The values and principals were instilled in me from when I was little, and I knew the comfort and happiness that it brought. Though during those few years I thought they were nothing but a nuisance I will admit. However, my view have changed dramatically. Don't let that make you think I am some self righteous religious girl now, cause I'm not. I'm human, I still swear (though I have cut back quite considerably), I still make mistakes, I still lay in bed on some Sundays and wish I could just roll over and go back to bed or just not go to church . . . I'm not perfect, nor is anyone else. We all have our different paths we are taking, and one day we will all get to where we are meant to be. I don't like to get too "churchy" as some may describe it. It is not who I am, but know that I am a proud member of the LDS Church, and I love my Father in Heaven.

I'm not going to lie my brain is starting to shut down I am so tired. I'm surprised I have been able to write this much.

Until next time . . .

XOXO

McCall